Coon Ass Humor
Here's one my sweetie sent me the other day and I *love* it! Hope y'all do too... :)
YOU MIGHT BE FROM LOUISIANA IF...........
1. You've ever wore shorts at Christmas time.
2. You pronounce Lafayette as "Laffy-ette" not "La-fay-ette".
3. You learned to drive a boat before you could drive a car.
4. You know the meaning of a "Delcambre Reeboks" (that would be a pair of all white fishing boots).
5. You offer somebody a "coke" and then ask them what kind: Coca-Cola, Dr. Pepper, Pepsi, 7Up?
6. You can name all of your 3rd cousins.
7. You plan your vacation around hunting season & LSU football.
8. You greet people with "Ha's ya momma'an'dem?" and hear back "Dey fine!"
9. Every so often, you have waterfront property.
10. When giving directions you use words like "uptown", "downtown","backatown", riverside", "lakeside! ", "northshore", "westbank", "down the bayou" or "cross the river".
11. When you refer to a geographical location "way up North," you are referring to places like Shreveport, Little Rock or Memphis, "where it gets real cold!"
12. Your burial plot is six feet over rather than six feet under.
13. You've ever had Community Coffee.
14. You can pronounce Tchoupitoulas but can't spell it (also, Thibodaux, Opelousas, Pontchartrain, Ouachita, Atchafalaya).
15. You don't worry when you see ships riding higher in the river than the top of your house.
16. You judge a po-boy by the number of napkins used. (Amen) You Got dat rite.
17. The waitress at your local sandwich shop tells you a fried oyster po-boy dressed is healthier than a Caesar salad.
18. You know the definition of "dressed."
19. You can eat Popeye's, Haydel's and Zapp's for lunch and wash it down with Barq's and several Abitas, without losing it all on your stoop.
20. The smell of a crawfish boil turns you on more than HBO.
21. You "wrench" your hands in the sink with an onion bar to get the crawfish smell off.
22. You're not afraid when someone wants to "ax you something."
23. You go by "ya-mom-en-'dems" on Good Friday for family supper.
24. You don't learn until high school that Mardi Gras is not a national holiday.
25. You don't realize until high school what a "county" is.
26. You believe that purple, green and gold look good together (and you will even eat things those colors).
27. You go to buy a new winter coat (what most people refer to as windbreakers)
28. Your last name isn't pronounced the way it's spelled.
29. You know what a nutria rat is but you still pick it to represent your baseball team. (Geaux Zephyrs).
30. You have a ditch on at least one side of your property.
31. You have spent a summer afternoon on the Lake Pontchartrain seawall catching blue crabs.
32. You describe a color as "K&B Purple."
33. You like your rice and politics dirty.
34. When given the choice for Governor between a KKK leader and Edwin Edwards, it's a difficult decision.
35. You pronounce the largest city in the state as "Newawlins."
36. You know those big roaches can fly, but you're able to sleep at night anyway.
37. You prefer skiing on the bayou.
38. You assume everyone has mosquito swarms in their backyard.
39. You realize the rain forest is less humid than Louisiana.
40. You can list all the ingredient's of a gumbo or a jambalaya.
41. You go to the "boat", but you don't plan on spending any time over water.
42. When you're in Baton Rouge you know the difference between the old bridge & the new bridge.
43. If you ever had to wait for the bridge to "come down" so you can get home.
44. If you pull for the Saints (who else would)?
45. If you've ever been to a wedding and someone either danced in a #3 washtub or with a broom and this was considered normal.
46. You make your groceries, or, wash your dishes,or, have an icebox.
47. You can't think of anybody that can cook better than your momma.
48. You know when it's appropriate to use "Tony Chachere's".
49. You know an old person that can "treat" you for warts.
50. The four seasons in your year are: crawfish, shrimp, crab and King Cake.
YOU MIGHT BE FROM LOUISIANA IF...........
1. You've ever wore shorts at Christmas time.
2. You pronounce Lafayette as "Laffy-ette" not "La-fay-ette".
3. You learned to drive a boat before you could drive a car.
4. You know the meaning of a "Delcambre Reeboks" (that would be a pair of all white fishing boots).
5. You offer somebody a "coke" and then ask them what kind: Coca-Cola, Dr. Pepper, Pepsi, 7Up?
6. You can name all of your 3rd cousins.
7. You plan your vacation around hunting season & LSU football.
8. You greet people with "Ha's ya momma'an'dem?" and hear back "Dey fine!"
9. Every so often, you have waterfront property.
10. When giving directions you use words like "uptown", "downtown","backatown", riverside", "lakeside! ", "northshore", "westbank", "down the bayou" or "cross the river".
11. When you refer to a geographical location "way up North," you are referring to places like Shreveport, Little Rock or Memphis, "where it gets real cold!"
12. Your burial plot is six feet over rather than six feet under.
13. You've ever had Community Coffee.
14. You can pronounce Tchoupitoulas but can't spell it (also, Thibodaux, Opelousas, Pontchartrain, Ouachita, Atchafalaya).
15. You don't worry when you see ships riding higher in the river than the top of your house.
16. You judge a po-boy by the number of napkins used. (Amen) You Got dat rite.
17. The waitress at your local sandwich shop tells you a fried oyster po-boy dressed is healthier than a Caesar salad.
18. You know the definition of "dressed."
19. You can eat Popeye's, Haydel's and Zapp's for lunch and wash it down with Barq's and several Abitas, without losing it all on your stoop.
20. The smell of a crawfish boil turns you on more than HBO.
21. You "wrench" your hands in the sink with an onion bar to get the crawfish smell off.
22. You're not afraid when someone wants to "ax you something."
23. You go by "ya-mom-en-'dems" on Good Friday for family supper.
24. You don't learn until high school that Mardi Gras is not a national holiday.
25. You don't realize until high school what a "county" is.
26. You believe that purple, green and gold look good together (and you will even eat things those colors).
27. You go to buy a new winter coat (what most people refer to as windbreakers)
28. Your last name isn't pronounced the way it's spelled.
29. You know what a nutria rat is but you still pick it to represent your baseball team. (Geaux Zephyrs).
30. You have a ditch on at least one side of your property.
31. You have spent a summer afternoon on the Lake Pontchartrain seawall catching blue crabs.
32. You describe a color as "K&B Purple."
33. You like your rice and politics dirty.
34. When given the choice for Governor between a KKK leader and Edwin Edwards, it's a difficult decision.
35. You pronounce the largest city in the state as "Newawlins."
36. You know those big roaches can fly, but you're able to sleep at night anyway.
37. You prefer skiing on the bayou.
38. You assume everyone has mosquito swarms in their backyard.
39. You realize the rain forest is less humid than Louisiana.
40. You can list all the ingredient's of a gumbo or a jambalaya.
41. You go to the "boat", but you don't plan on spending any time over water.
42. When you're in Baton Rouge you know the difference between the old bridge & the new bridge.
43. If you ever had to wait for the bridge to "come down" so you can get home.
44. If you pull for the Saints (who else would)?
45. If you've ever been to a wedding and someone either danced in a #3 washtub or with a broom and this was considered normal.
46. You make your groceries, or, wash your dishes,or, have an icebox.
47. You can't think of anybody that can cook better than your momma.
48. You know when it's appropriate to use "Tony Chachere's".
49. You know an old person that can "treat" you for warts.
50. The four seasons in your year are: crawfish, shrimp, crab and King Cake.
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