A Day in the Life

To replace mass update mailings to my friends/family :)

Thursday, March 12, 2009

The Financial Crisis Explained in Simple Terms

The rumors of my death are greatly exaggerated. :)

Got this one from the Sperm Donor and had to share...sad but true!

The financial crisis explained in simple terms:

Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Berlin. In order to increase sales, she decides to allow her loyal customers - most of whom are unemployed alcoholics - to drink now but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).

Word gets around and as a result increasing numbers of customers flood into Heidi's bar.

Taking advantage of her customers' freedom from immediate payment constraints, Heidi increases her prices for wine and beer, the most-consumed beverages. Her sales volume increases massively.

A young and dynamic customer service consultant at the local bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and increases Heidi's borrowing limit.

He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts of the alcoholics as collateral.

At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert bankers transform these customer assets into DRINKBONDS, ALKBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities are then traded on markets worldwide. No one really understands what these abbreviations mean and how the securities are guaranteed. Nevertheless, as their prices continuously climb, the securities become top-selling items.

One day, although the prices are still climbing, a risk manager (subsequently of course fired due to his negativity) of the bank decides that the time has come to demand payment of the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi's bar.

However they cannot pay back the debts.

Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations and claims bankruptcy.

DRINKBOND and ALKBOND drop in price by 95 %. PUKEBOND performs better, stabilizing in price after dropping by 80 %.

The suppliers of Heidi's bar, having granted her generous payment due dates and having invested in the securities are faced with a new situation. Her wine supplier claims bankruptcy, her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor.

The bank is saved by the Government following dramatic round-the-clock consultations by leaders from the governing political parties.

The funds required for this purpose are obtained by a tax levied on the non-drinkers.



Finally an explanation I understand ...

Friday, July 18, 2008

Resume - George W Bush

I think this about sums it up...

This person needs a job, an executive position, will be available in January 2009, and is willing to relocate.

RESUME-GEORGE W. BUSH

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

Law Enforcement:
I was arrested in Kennebunkport , Maine , in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been 'lost' and is not available.

Military:
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam ..

College:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader. I did complete an MBA at Harvard.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE :
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in the oil business in Midland , Texas in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas . The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money. With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:

I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America. I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money. I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history. With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President of the United States, after losing by over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record. I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week. I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury. I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history. I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period. I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period. I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market. In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues.

I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My 'poorest millionaire,' Condoleezza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.

I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President. I am the all-time US and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations. My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. history, Enron.

My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision. I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history.

I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.

I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history. I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.

I appointed more convicted criminals to my administration than any President in U.S. history. I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States Government. I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.

I am the first President in US history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission. I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law. I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. 'prisoners of war' detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.

I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US election). I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.

I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.

I garnered the most sympathy ever for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history. I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of mankind.

I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. Citizens and the world community. I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families in wartime. In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.

I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security. I am supporting development of a nuclear 'Tactical Bunker Buster,' a WMD. I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view.

All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review. I specified that my sealed documents will not be available for 50 years.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Don't Pay for Directory Assistance Again! :)

I got this from the Sperm Donor and had to share with everyone...

Cell Phone Information

Cell phone companies are charging $1.00 to $1.75 or more for 411 Information calls. Since no one carries a telephone directory in their vehicle, they get away with it.

When you need to use the 411 Information option, simply dial 1(800) FREE 411, or 1 (800) 373-3411; you will incur no charge. This works on your home telephone as well.

This is the kind of information people don't mind receiving, so pass it on to your family and friends. I f you enter this number into your cell phone you will always have a way to get a phone number if you need one.

snopes.com: Free 411

Monday, June 30, 2008

Our Friendship...

Bitchy sent this to me and I had to share...it's just too true and funny not to!

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in.

4. When you are scared -- I will rag you about it every chance I get until you're not.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will try to use only little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will laugh at your clumsy ass but I'll help you up.

9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend".

Friendship is like peeing in your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

Love you guys! :)

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Cat Humor - Must See, I Laughed out Loud!

The rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated. Just been going through some tough times and haven't really wanted to share lately. Here's something that cracked me up and I can't help but share. Hope y'all enjoy! :)

From: Chrystine
Date: Apr 24, 2008 7:12 AM


Watch this... and thank me later :)

http://video. yahoo. com/network/100284668/3774740?v=2369949

Thursday, March 06, 2008

25 Gaming Euphemisms for the Death of Gary Gygax

I know I'm a little late on this but I thought I'd share anyway. This is stolen from Kuma, btw. Love him for finding this gem! :)

Gary Gygax wasn't the father of Dungeons and Dragons. He was the weird uncle that lived in the basement, painted lead miniatures, and could expound on the twelve different types of polearm weapons. So it's understandable that gamers might have trouble talking about it openly. Instead, here are some ways to refer to Gygax's untimely passing…you know, without really saying it:

When referring to Gygax's death, you can say he:

1) Started a new character sheet.
2) Is looking for a seventh-level cleric.
3) Failed his save vs. death magic.
4) Is food for purple worms.
5) Immediately became an NPC.
6) Finished the Doritos.
7) Has gone pips up.
8) Is pushing up shriekers.
9) Cashed in his gold pieces.
10) Took the first step to lichdom.
11) Went ethereal.
12) Kicked on the end of a spear.
13) Didn't make his system shock roll.
14) Bought the farm in Hommlet.
15) Is taking a dice nap.
16) Has gone to meet Zagyg.
17) Rolled his last natural 20.
18) Went against the giants.
19) Joined the gaming table invisible.
20) Is sleeping with the sahuagin.
21) Drew the Void.
22) Ended the campaign.
23) Kicked the dice bag.
24) Retired Mordenkainen.
25) Got screwed by the DM.

--Teague Bohlen

The Natural Way To Clean Everything In Your House

Saw this and had to share. Pretty groovy stuff!

From: It's a Hipmunk
Date: 05/03/2008


From: Aquaman ~ Ocean Defender


The Natural Way To Clean Everything In Your House.



Cleaning Metal Surfaces:




Silver - Put some water in a pan with a few teaspoons of washing soda, bring to a simmer. Throw in alittle piece of aluminum foil, and then dip your silver right into the mix. Pull the item out, dry it off, and shine it clean with a rag.

Pewter - Wash your pewter items in warm soapy water (use biodegradable soap!), rinse, and polish with a clean cotton cloth. Instant clean!

Chrome - You can clean anything that is chrome just by combining 1 tablespoon of ammonia with 1 pint of water. Just rub the concoction on the chrome and watch the dirt come right off.

Iron - If you have iron cooking pans or other items that are looking a little rusty, you can clean them with a damp cloth and some steel wool. Wipe down the item with the cloth, scrub lightly with the steel wool, rinse and then dry. Be sure to rub in a little vegetable oil once it is dry to inhibit any further rusting.

Brass & Copper - By combining a few tablespoons of lemon juice and 1 tablespoon of baking soda, you have a great brass and copper cleaning agent. Just rub in on and then polish it off…so shiny! If your items are heavily soiled, you can soak them in hot vinegar and some table salt. The shine will start showing up on its own, and once you see it, take the item out and rinse it. You can also rub lemon on brass and copper to get into any grooves that need cleaning…just be sure to wipe it off once it is clean.


Remove Candle Wax From The Carpet:




First lay the newspaper down on top of the wax and set an iron to low. Once it has warmed up, start running the iron over the newspaper right on top of the wax. Slowly the wax will start melting and get absorbed into the newspaper, lifting up off the carpet. I had to do this once in my old apartment and it worked like a charm There was a little residue and color left over, but it was way better than the big hard chunks of wax that were on the floor.


To Clean Wood Floors:




Before you work on making the floor sparkle, they should be cleaned with vinegar and water. A small amount of vinegar in a bucket of warm water will do wonders for your wood floor. Make sure your floor is sealed and you wring out excess water before mopping the floors, as too much water could damage your wood. That all being said, once they are clean, you can now work on making them shine:

- If you have natural unsealed wood floors (which you probably don’t), you can use linseed oil with a rag, allow it to soak in for a little while, and then mop it up with a little more oil.

- For sealed floors, you can use 1 part white vinegar to 1 part vegetable oil to give it a great shine. Just combine the two, grab a rag, and rub it in like you are polishing a car. The shine will blow you away.


To Clean Appliances:




Microwaves - Mix 1/2 of water with a few teaspoons of baking soda in a microwave safe bowl. Put the bowl in the microwave and run it for 2 minutes. Take out the bowl and wipe it clean with just a rag; every last spot will come out!

Ovens - You can rub the inside of your oven with wet steel wool to remove the tough stuff, and then sprinkle baking soda throughout the oven. Let it sit for a few minutes, then just wipe it all clean with a wet rag…all done and no caustic chemicals!

Coffee Makers - When the coffee maker is empty, pour in a mixture of 1 cup white vinegar and some hot water to fill up the reservoir to the top. Run the coffee maker like you were making coffee, just without any beans in it. Once the cycle has finished, run it twice more with just plain water, which will rinse out the vinegar and any build up left inside. The coffee will taste better the next time you make a cuppa Joe!

Refrigerators - Baking soda all the way…why would you want to spray chemicals in the giant box that holds your food! Make a nice paste from baking soda and water (equal parts of both) and scrub away. Wipe down with a clean cloth and all will be clean!


Removing Stains:




- On white items, apply white vinegar or lemon juice to the stained area. Allow to soak in to the fabric then wash as normal. The stain should come right out as if it had never been there!

- If you happen to spill wine onto your clothes, grab the salt before doing anything else! Dump some salt on the stained area right away, which absorb a lot of the moisture before it sets. Wash as normal as soon as you can.

- For red wine stains, chocolate or other dark stains that have been there a while, you can try to soak the item in a bowl of glycerine, available from your local grocery or natural store. Soak the clothes for a half an hour and then wash.

- Party guest spills red wine on your nice carpet? Get up as much of it as you can with a wash or dish cloth, then quickly pour white vinegar directly on the spot. Let it soak for a few minutes, then rinse it out with a wet rag. And then berate your party guest!

- If your kids come in covered with grass stains, you can usually get them out by soaking their clothes in either glycerine or or washing soda prior to washing.


To Remove Mold In The Bathroom:




You can use Borax and white vinegar to make a spray that you can aim directly at the mold in the tub or shower. Once you spray it , leave it to sit for 30-60 minutes and then go back in and wipe it off. Presto, the mold will start coming off and you did not have to inhale toxic chemicals to do so. Just mix about 2 ounces of Borax and a cup of white vinegar and you are ready to go. As a back up and a maintenance tip, you can also periodically spray the moldy “areas” with straight vinegar and just let it sit there and soak in. The vinegar will kill the mold that might be growing and it will halt the growth of new mold.


Unclogging Your Showerhead:




Just remove the shower head, find a bowl or cup big enough for it to sit in face down, and fill it with about an inch of vinegar. After letting it sit for an hour or more, remove it from the bowl and run water through it at the sink for a few minutes. Put it back in the shower, and presto, your water pressure is restored.


Removing Rust:


Photobucket


Here is what you need - Salt and lime juice. Yep, that’s it. Already have them in your house? Great, your rust remover is now free. Just sprinkle some salt on the rusty spot and put some of the juice right on top of the salt…but not so much that the salt floats away. You want the mixture to sit right on the rust. Leave it to sit for a few hours and come back with a scrubber and go to work. It won’t take much effort to remove the rust, I promise.


Cleaning the Toilet:


Photobucket


Lemon Juice - I use real lemons by squeezing out the juice. When I am done, I put pieces of the peel down the disposal to clean it out.

OR

Distilled white vinegar - I know you have this already!

And

Borax - Ok, you might not have this one. But it is widely available for a few bucks and its cleaning powers go back years.

You will need to combine the ingredients to make a nice paste in a bowl. Put about 1 cup of Borax and about 1/4-1/2 a cup of either lemon juice or vinegar and it will mix together nicely. All you need to do is spread the paste you just made
into the toilet bowl and let it sit a while. Then come back and scrub it with a scrubbing sponge (we use the washable kind, not the disposable kind) and flush the toilet.


Polish Wood:




The first ingredient is water, of course. Get yourself a spray bottle and put 3 cups of water in there. Once the water is in your sprayer, you will be adding two additional items:

- 4 tablespoons of olive oil
- 2 tablespoons of distilled white vinegar

Add them to the spray bottle and shake the bottle up a little to make everything mix together. That’s it, that is all the wood polish you will ever need. Be sure to test the spray somewhere on the furniture just to make sure you have the mixture right and you will not damage the wood.


Natural Disinfecting:




- You can add 1 teaspoon of tea tree oil to a gallon of water to wash windows, floors and toilets to scrub away the germs.

- To chase away bugs, but a drop of tea tree oil near where they are coming in and you can bet they won’t be coming in that way anymore.

- Lavender oil or tea tree oil can be applied directly to cuts and scrapes where it will cool the pain and help fight infection.

- Mixing a few drops of tea tree oil with some water in a spray bottle can clean mold in the bathroom, disinfect the floor after the dog has an accident, or can clean up after your child has been sick. (or you, after a night like the ones in college)


Clean The Air:




For starters, the easiest way we have found to make things smell better is to use essential oils. In an empty spray bottle I mix water and a bunch of drops from a bottle of essential oils. Done! You can adjust the amount of drops you put in the bottle and of course you can always change the scent any time you want. Right now I have some cranberry scented essential oil in our water bottle…the place smells amazing and it can be sprayed on anything; the couch, the curtains, etc.

- Another thing you can do is to simmer water on the stove in a pot with cinnamon sticks or essential oils in it. However, since this one uses natural gas or electricity, it is not the best choice. Plus, you have to remember to keep your eye on it so it doesn’t burn off and start catching the pot on fire!

- You could also put little boxes of baking soda around the house to absorb any bad odors. We do this for the litterbox. Even though our cat is not exactly a stinker, the baking soda absorbs any strong smells that he might leave behind. This also works great in the refrigerator to absorb the leftover smell from last night’s chili.

- And lastly, you could always get some flowers from your local farmer’s market and put them in vases around your house. The smell of fresh flowers is always a pleasant one and it leaves behind no toxic residue like plug-ins and sprays.


Unclog Your Shower Drain:




Step 1 - Put the DRY baking soda down the drain. I use about 3/4 of a cup.

Step 2 - Pour 1/2 cup of vinegar down the drain after the baking soda. Be sure to cover the drain immediately afterwards with a rag or plug, filling the hole completely so nothing can escape. This is because the interaction of the two will cause a “mini volcano” that will want to come up and out of the drain..you want to keep it down there.

Step 3 - Leave this concoction in the drain for about 30 minutes. While you are waiting, boil a tea kettle full of water.

Step 4 - After 30 minutes, remove the plug and slowly pour the HOT water down the drain.

All done! Your drain should flow smoothly now. If not, just do it again. We normally have to do our tub drain often because of the wife’s long hair, but it cleans it out every time.

And there you have it! An easily accessible natural cleaning list. If you have any additional tips or ideas, please let everyone know in the comments!

SOURCE

For information about borax go here: How does borax clean
I do not use borax, that is a personal choice.

In Unity

Aquaman ~ Ocean Defender

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Take Action: Support Marriage Equality for ALL!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Obama and Chelsea Clinton in the Metroplex Tomorrow!

Stolen from Brian's blog:

Join Barack Obama for a special Stand for Change Rally in Dallas, Texas on Wednesday, February 20th. The event will be free and open to the public.

Stand for Change Rally with Barack Obama

Reunion Arena
777 Sports Street
Dallas, TX

Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Doors Open: 10:30 a.m.
Program Begins: 12:00 p.m.

The event is free and open to the public. Tickets are not required, however an RSVP is strongly encouraged. Admission is on a first come, first-served basis.

For security reasons, do not bring bags. No signs or banners permitted. Please limit personal items.

RSVP here.

---------------------------------------------

Stolen from Unfair Park:

The University of Texas at Dallas just announced that Chelsea Clinton will be at the school tomorrow at 10:15 a.m. on the lower level of the Student Union. Which is interesting timing, to say the least: As we noted last night, Barack Obama will be at Reunion Arena tomorrow morning, with doors opening at 10:30 a.m. Only, don't expect Chelsea to talk to journalists post-speaking engagement: Noted the Canadian National Post over the weekend: "Even a nine-year-old 'reporter' for an online children's newspaper was recently rebuffed, if politely, when she tried to asked an innocent question about her father." --Robert Wilonsky

Update: Turns out, Clinton's here on a three-stop tour tomorrow -- something called "Out Voice Our Future." Following her appearance at UTD, she'll be at UT-Arlington at 12:15 p.m., in the Palo Duro Lounge in the E.H. Hereford University Center; followed by a 3:15 p.m. appearance somewhere to be determined on the University of North Texas campus.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Superdelegates?

You've probably heard about the "superdelegates" who could end up deciding the Democratic nominee.

The superdelegates are under lots of pressure right now to come out for one candidate or the other. We urgently need to encourage them to let the voters decide between Clinton and Obama--and then to support the will of the people.

I signed a petition urging the superdelegates to respect the will of the voters. Can you join me at the link below?

http://pol.moveon.org/superdelegates/?r_by=12150-7863710-uiHY0z&rc=comment_mailto