Showing posts from 2005

Damn Kids!

My Shelly sent this to me and while I realize it's similar to something I've posted before, it's enough different that it's definitely worth putting out here. Hope y'all enjoy! :)

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning ... uphill BOTH ways...yadda, yadda, yadda. I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it. But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it.

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the internet. If we wanted to know somethin…

I Laughed at the Pope Because I'm Horny?

This is some seriously silly shit right here, but I couldn't resist sharing. This one I ganked from Drkgodes on myspace and it made me giggle. Y'all feel free to post your own results...

Pick the month you were born:

January- I crapped
February- I slapped
March- I murdered
April- I looked at
May- I masturbated with
June- I slept with
July- I laughed at
August- I stabbed
September- I shot
October- I made love to
November- I wrestled
December- I had sex with

Now pick the day of your birth

1. A prostitute
2. An Asian
3. A Woman with HIV
4. A drunken black man
5. Santa Clause
6. A playboy bunny
7. A married mom
8. My stuffed bunny
9. Your mom
10. The Easter Bunny
11. A football player
12. A porn star
13. My lettermans Jacket
14. My teacher
15. The Rock
16. A DVD player
17. A pencil sharpener
18. The homeless guy
19. My computer
20. Your house
21. The tape measurer
22. The Lamp
23. The pope
24. Governor Swartenegar
25. Mr. Incredible
26. A transvestite
27. The Devil
28. Your hot sister
29. George Bush
30. A tape recorder
31. …

Song Names...

Here's a little something that I ganked from Shang_Shi's myspace bulletin. I thought it was fun and worth passing on. Y'all feel free to gank it and make it your own!

Tell me what the first song that comes to your mind when you read what its for...

1. Hate song? I Hate Myself for Loving You - Joan Jett

2. Love song? Freelove - Depeche Mode

3. Crush or Flirt song? I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend - Ramones

4. Fuck song? International Lover - Prince

5. Goofy song? The Bad Touch - Bloodhound Gang

6. Dance song? Anything by Depeche Mode

7. Rage song? Head like a Hole - NIN

8. Slow song? Unforgettable - Nat and Natlie Cole

9. Make-up Song? Let's Stay Together - Al Green

10. Redneck song? The Perfect Country Song - David Allen Coe

11. Make-out song? Let's Get It On - Marvin Gaye

12. Break-up song? User Friendly - Marilyn Manson

13. Happy song? It's a Small World - Disney

14. Sad song? Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd

15. Corny song? I Touch Myself - The Divinyls

A Final Xmas post

Here's one more "Night Before" version that I couldn't help but steal from Da Jules. Y'all enjoy!

Twas the night before the party
When all through the town,
No pigs were stirring,
No cops were around.
We drank segrams & smoked panama reds,
While visions of the munchies danced through our heads.
When all of a sudden came a knock at the door...
We all yelled "Pigs!" & hit the floor.
But what to our red glazed eyes did appear...
A pound of columbian with 2 kegs of beer.
The man at the door, he gave us a smile
So we said, "Come on in man,
You should party a while."
But we heard him exclaim as he flew through the sky...

A Little Xmas Meme

Here's one I stole from Da Jules' myspace bulletin...y'all feel free to gank and post it if you feel like it. Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday!!! :)


1. Something purple within 5 feet of you:
My lavender robe because apparently in mainstream retail women should only wear pastels...bleah!

2. Now something green:
There are some houseplants on the bar. :)

3. Your nails were last painted:
In early November during our anniversary celebration.

4. The weirdest thing you've ever heated in the microwave?
Nothing particularly wierd is springing to mind.

5. How much Japanese do you know?
Very very few words.

11. Least favorite color?
Lime green.

12. Ever had Dippin' Dots?

13. Ever played an instrument?
Yeah I was forced to take piano lessons as a kid.

14. Ever had a H2O massage?

15. Do you believe in bigfoot?
Yes, definitely!

16. Ever been to a palm reader?
I've had friends do it but never paid for the service.

17. Last Pez dispenser you purchased?
I bought some…

More Xmas Cheer!

Here's a card for everyone, have a wonderful day today!

Twas the Night Before Gothmas

Here's a classic that's one of my all-time favs. Hope everyone has a wonderful holiday!!!

Twas The Night Before Gothmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through our house
Was blasting the "St. Vitus Dance" by Bauhaus;
Torn fishnets were draped on my forearms with care,
And two cans of Aquanet applied to my hair;
My thoughts were of graveyards, and horror and dread,
Black visions of pain and despair in my head;
And Bianca, whose face was as pale as the moon,
Had thrown up her arm for this evening's swoon,
When out by the gravestones there came such a clatter,
I sprang from the coffin to find out the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a ghost,
Expecting to find a dark devilish host.
The moon on the breast of the uncaring snow
Threw ominous shadows on objects below,
When, before my tormented eyes did traverse,
But a gorgeous black Crane & Breed carved-panel hearse,
With a gaunt, shrouded driver, who filled me with fear,
And eight skeletal creatures that might hav…

Christmas lights rule!

I'll bet this house gets really annoying after a while though...enjoy!

Musical Lights

Merry Xmas everyone!!!

Hope everyone gets what they want this year! Lots of love to you all!

Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

I really thought that pride would win out but apparently greed won by a nose. Thanks to the Cap'n for this!


Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

What Type of Lesbian Are You?

I absolutely couldn't resist doing this quiz when I saw it at The Cap's Place. Thanks for finding this, Cap'n! :)

You scored as The Femme Fatale. You're carefree, dark and adventurous...and slightly fatale to the heart.The Femme Fatale75%The Pretty-Boi Dyke65%The Vaginal-Reference-Making Dyke60%The Little-Boy Dyke50%The Stud50%The Student Dyke45%The Magic Earring Ken Dyke35%The Surprise! Dyke35%The Quasi-Gothic Femme30%The Sprightly Elfin Femme25%The Granola Dyke20%The Bohemian Dyke10%The Hipster Dyke0%
What Type of Lesbian Are You? (Inspired by Curve Mag.)
created with

Happy Yule!

I raise a glass to the rebirth of the sun and hope that everyone feels hopeful for the season ahead! Cheers!

Which LOTR Character Are You?

I found this little gem on Army of Mom's site this morning and couldn't resist. It's a little long for a quiz of this type but I'm geeky enough that I had to do it anyway. Teehee. :)

You scored 29% Sturdyness, 80% Influence, 74% Supernatural, and 11% Evil!
You are Legolas, elven archer and member of the Fellowship. You have
sworn to aid the cause of destroying the ring. You have incredible
agility, speed and senses, and your bow has slain many a foe. If you
gain friends, your help would be the best one could hope for.
Link: The LOTR Character Test written by NoxTyger on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Fun Quickie Jokes

Here are some good, short jokes for y'all. Thanks again to Dolly for giving me blogfodder this week! :)

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the d…

New Seat Belt

Thanks to my friend Dolly for sending this one my way...definitely worth sharing! :)

The National Highway Safety Council has done extensive testing on a newly designed seat belt. Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 45% when the belt is properly installed. Correct installation is illustrated below...

I know it's been a while since I posted anything real.

And there's a reason for that. My life is in a pretty serious flux right now and I'm not sure what to say. As soon as I can organize my thoughts and actually have something to report, I'll get back to you guys.

I've been assimilated!

I've finally ceded to the pressure and set up a Myspace account. I still think it's chunky and cumbersome, and I still hate MS products, fyi. Still tho, I've already found a couple of long lost friends on there so all is not lost. :) You guys can check it out if you want to:


Sex Frogs?

It looks like I have a new source of funnies: my friend Joy. Thanks for this, girlie!


A young lady, goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of live frogs.

The sign says: "Sex Frogs! Only $20 each! Money Back Guarantee! Comes with complete instructions."

The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her and whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one."

The man packages the frog and says, "Just follow the instructions." The girl nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.

As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she reads the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does exactly what is specified:

1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you and allow the frog to follow its training.

She then quickly gets int…

Here's a Good One

I like the way this shop owner thinks! Thanks to Joy for sending this my way. :)

RIP John Lennon...a day late, oops

I realize that since yesterday was the actual anniversary of his death, I should have posted this then. Ah well, it's the thought that counts! I miss him and I remember when he was shot. I cried and then eventually did a research paper on his killer in high school. What a nutbag, I must say! Anyway, I salute John Lennon and his life well-lived. We miss you man! :-(

Why Math is Taught in School

Cyndi sent this to me and I couldn't resist posting it...this is a very wise man right here! LOL!

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive onto the shoulder to avoid hitting her.

This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and gave the woman the finger.

"Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself.

I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, and here's why I drive 48 miles each way every day to work. That's 96 miles each day.

Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway.

There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars.

That brings the number to some…

What Awful Book am I?

I ganked this quiz from Kurt so he's responsible. It's funny tho, I really tried to read the LOTR series and was bored to tears so I didn't make it through. I'm entertained. :)

take the WHAT BAD BOOK ARE YOU test.

and go to not as good as reading a good book, but way better than a bad one.

Updated blogroll

I've added some new links to my blogroll and reorganized the list. The heavy posters are at the top and the less frequent posters are at the bottom...nothing personal you guys! Y'all enjoy the new stuff. :)

Finally got my Thanksgiving :)

One of our friends that works with B gifted us with a good chunk of fried turkey so I cooked up a Thanksgiving feast last nite for dinner. Ahhhhh, *now* I feel like I had a holiday. Thanks Tanya! :)

An interesting spin on Christianity

Cyndi was kind enough to share this article from this month's Harper's magazine with me and it's a terrific read! It's 9 pages so make sure you have a block of time to read it. Hope you guys enjoy! :)

Lighting a candle

I am joining Andy in lighting this candle against the darkness of ignorance. I encourage everyone reading this blog to write a letter or make a call on this issue. Hopefully we can make a difference!

This about sums it up

Here's an excellent joke about the Bush administration...unfortunately it's all too true. Thanks to Cyndi for this! :)

How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb?


1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;

2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed;

3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb;

4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either for changing the light bulb or for eternal darkness;

5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb;

6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner 'Bulb Accomplished';

7. One administration insider to resign and in detail reveal how Bush was literally 'in the dark' the whole time;

8. One to viciously smear No. 7;

9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing poli…

Happy Thanksgiving!

Here's a little humor for everyone today. I hope that each and every one of you has a fabulous day!

Cup O Elvis?

Okay so my Shelly was competely out of control today, but this link was too good not to share...

Walk The Line

I liked the movie but don't just take my word for it. Check out what his former manager had to say about it...

Thanks to my Shelly for this who apparently had way too much time on her hands at work today. :)

Cool Optical Illusion

My Shelly was killing time at work today and sent me this link. It's kinda freaky how the brain works...

Alabama Blonde

My sister sent this one to me and I couldn't help but share. Hope y'all enjoy! :)


Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman from Alabama arrives and bets twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She says, "I hope y'all don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."

With that, she strips from the neck down, rolls the dice and yells, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice come to a stop she jumps up and down and squeals, "I WON, I WON!"

She hugs each of the dealers and then picks up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departs. The dealers stare at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asks, "What did she roll?" The other answers, "I don't know, I thought you were watching."


Not all people from Alabama are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.

Twas the Night Before Thanksgiving

Twas the night before Thanksgiving and all through the kitchen;
I was cooking and baking and moanin' and bitchin'.
I've been here for hours, I can't stop to rest;
this room's a disaster, just look at this mess!
Tomorrow I've got thirty people to feed.
They expect all the trimmings. Who cares what I need!
My feet are both blistered; I've got cramps in my legs.
The cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.
There's a knock at the door and the telephone's ringing;
frosting drips on the counter as the microwave's dinging.
Two pies in the oven, dessert's almost done;
my cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.
I've had all I can stand, I can't take anymore;
Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor.
He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady;
then grins as he chuckles "The eggnog is ready!"
He looks all around and with total regret,
says "What's taking so long....aren't you through in here yet??"
As quick as a fl…

Which Soldier Type Are You?

Got this one via The Cap'n and Kurt. Heh, I'm sure these results come as no surprise to anyone including me. LOL!

You scored as Civilian. You're a civilian. Not a soldier, period. You don't enjoy fighting. And more or less think all the people who do are retards who need to use thier brains more than their brawn. Beware the day will come when even peace lovers and buddhist monks will pick up shotguns in defence.


Civilian88%Officer69%Medic63%Special Ops56%Combat Infantry50%Artillery44%Support Gunner38%Engineer31%
Which soldier type are you?
created with

Which Peanuts Character Are You?

Ganked this post from Kurt, I love this comic strip! Honestly I thought I was going to end up being Lucy so this came as a surprise to me... :)

You are Snoopy!

Which Peanuts Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

One more Veteran's Day thought...

My friend Brian sent this to me and I just had to share it with you guys. I know I'm a little late but this is most definitely worth sharing. Read the story and then watch the video, it's worth the two minutes!

Happy Veteran's Day!

Just wanted to give a shout out to all the men and women who selflessly go into dangerous places and fight without question. I sure do wish we had some better orders for our current troops because I'd love to see all of them come home. Thanks to everyone who has given their youth to serve our country, I admire you in ways that you cannot imagine. :)

Marriage humor

Thought I'd better post a little humor to lighten things up around here. Got this from a girl at work and it's hillarious! :)

Marriage (Part I)

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules.

Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."

Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!


My Shelly sent this to me today and I *really* needed to hear it. :)

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?"

Hands started going up.

He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this."

He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill.

He then asked, "Who still wants it?"

Still the hands were up in the air.

Well, he replied, "What if I do this?"

And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty.

"Now, who still wants it?"

Still the hands went into the air.

"My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value."

It was still worth $20.

Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circ…

How did we survive?

I've started reading a newly discovered blog recently and thought I'd post this little gem that my Shelly sent me a while back. This one's for you, Guy, I think you'll appreciate it!

If you lived as a child in the 50's, 60's or 70's how did you survive?

Looking back, it's hard to believe that we have lived as long as we have...

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paint. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors, or cabinets, and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets.

(Not to mention hitchhiking to town as a young kid!)

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. Horrors.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times we learned to solve the proble…

A little baby humor :)

My Shelly sent me this link today and knew that I would appreciate it since I'm an avid non-breeder. Be forewarned, if you're the type of person that loves each and every baby on the planet just because they're there, do NOT follow this link. I personally think it's pretty hillarious...

I needed to hear this today

With all the stress in my life right now, country Shelli sent me the perfect thing to think about. I had to share it here:

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Thanksgiving greetings

Country Shelli sent this to me and ohmigawd, it's too funny! Hope y'all enjoy!

Disco Turkey

Inner peace

My stepmom shared this with me and I'm thinking it's some pretty good advice. :)

By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil Show, I have finally found inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.

So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn't finished; and, before leaving the house this morning I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bottle of Baileys, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreo's, a pot of coffee, the rest of the Cheesecake, some Saltines and a box of Godiva Chocolates.

Political lessons

Here's a gem from Billy that I *had* to share!

DEMOCRATIC You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbra Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.

SOCIALIST You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announce…

Maybe I'm wrong but I think this is hillarious!

My Shelly sent me this and I couldn't help passing it on to you guys. You gotta love this woman's timing...

How average am I?

Here's a little number that I ganked from Kurt, here's a link to his post:

How average are you?

• Eats peanut butter at least once a week
• Prefers smooth peanut butter over chunky (Ewwww, chunky pb yuck!)
• Can name all Three Stooges
• Lives within a 20-minute drive of a Wal-Mart
• Eats at McDonald's at least once a year
• Takes a shower for approximately 10.4 minutes a day
• Never sings in the shower (I even spare myself that misery...)
• Lives in a house, not an apartment or condominium (Man, I wish!)
• Has a home valued between $100,000 and $300,000 (I'm sure my apartments are worth that much...)
• Has fired a gun (I'm curious but haven't done it yet)
• Is between 5 feet and 6 feet tall
• Weighs 135 to 205 pounds (I actually weigh in less than that.)
• Is between the ages of 18 and 53
• Believes gambling is an acceptable entertainment option (As long as it's in moderation, yes)
• Grew up within 50 miles of current home

Goth Trading Card Game

Teehee, thanks to Billy for finding this one!

My blogroll

I'm not the type of blogger that spends time surfing blogs or tracking my hits, although I see that I do get quite a few hits every day. If you are a regular reader and want to be added to my blogroll, please comment or drop me a line and let me know so that I can go check out your blog. I'm more than happy to send people your way! :)

Business news: Job update

It didn't take me long to find income, yay! I've got a contract gig starting on Monday for $.25/hour less than I was making at my last job which isn't bad at *all* for a temp gig. The contract is 3-6 months and if I find something else I can terminate it early. This should be exactly the thing I need to get me thru until I can either find a good job that I really want or get myself set up in something else entirely.

I've been really thinking about my career path and where I want it to go a LOT lately. With all my marketable skills I'd really like to try and get the hell out of the corporate world and work for myself. I certainly don't mind working like a Trojan but I'm exceptionally tired of doing it for someone else's benefit. It may end up taking multiple gigs at first and I may have to work long hours to accomplish it, but I see the benefits FAR outweighing the negatives. My last job got me my Texas State Notary so I'm going to start there and see…

Business news: My employment status

This picture pretty much sums up the general feeling late last week for me and apparently for my now former employer. I had a very bad feeling on Thursday when I came to the full realization that I had officially had all my work duties removed from me. I even warned B last Thursday before we went to the fancy dinner that I had a feeling I might be getting fired on Friday. We had a very hard time wanting to make nice with everyone at the restaurant but I have to say that the food was amazing and it was extra nice to get it for free. Friday morning first thing (just as I predicted on Thursday, I kinda hate being right about this), I got called into the bosses office and termintated without any reason given to me at all. Mark my words: I will never accept a full-time position in an office full of women again unless I already know and like the majority of them. Working in a female-dominated industry is not making me happy at all and I find it very hard to want to have to play …

I got tagged!

And I officially challenge anyone to step up to being tagged by me as well. If you're going to link back to me then definitely add a trackback or at least leave me a comment that you're doing this. Here's the link to me getting tagged. :)

1. What kind of candy this year?- NO "good for you" stuff.
2. Anything special to scare those panhandlers trick-or-treaters?
3. Are you going to pretend you're not home?
4. Your favorite kind of cosume?
5. Your favorite scary movie?
6. Your scarriest scary movie?
7. Horror author?
8. Scariest book?
9. Best Halloween/horror story? (Yours or someone else's).

My answers:

1. Definitely it will be chocolate although being an apartment dweller makes me think that we probably won't have a lot of trick-or-treaters again this year.
2. Nah, I'd like to put up lights or something so that we can signal that we're home though.
3. Nope, we'll be here on Monday night and will be happy to give out candy. :)
4. I like the creative home…

A little political humor this morning

Here's a link Cyndi sent me that just cracked me up!

Become Republican!

And here's Billy's contribution to the theme. :)

Bush or Chimp?

Potato prostitutes

Here's a little joke I got today at work that was too funny not to share. Enjoy! :)

Two little potatoes are standing on the street corner. One is a prostitute.

How can you tell which one is the prostitute?

Hold on......

You're gonna love it...

It's the one with the little sticker that says...

I - DA - HO

I don't even know where to start...

Again I've let myself become remiss in my posting duties so I'm going to attempt a recap post here. :)

My job hunt continues and most of the interest has been from headhunters and placement agencies. Hopefully they'll relieve some of the work from me and find me a position that's worth interviewing for! I'm also planning to cold call the title companies within a 10 mile radius of the house (you'd be surprised at how many there are!). The cold calling thing may not end up working but you just never know and I figure it can't hurt to ask.

I got an email yesterday that a friend of mine who is a counselor is currently doing a class having to do with job direction, satisfaction, and career advancement so I'm in the process of finding out more about that. She's helped me quite a bit in the past so hopefully this time will not be different...

We did go to Rollins last Tuesday and he was *awesome*! B waited around outside the bus afterwards and got not only hi…

My favorite season!

My Shelly sent this to me today and it rings so true for me so I'm sharing it here. I know I haven't been posting much lately...I'll try to do better. :)


The season we know as Fall has always been a favorite of mine. I like the refreshing chill in the air, the white sunlight, the changing leaves, apples, pumpkins, harvest festivals, all of it. Even the gray chill of the Autumn rain has a different feel to it that I find more stimulating than oppressive.

Beyond the season, it may be interesting to think of the word fall and what it means to us.

Fall down
Fall back
Fall for
Fall over
Fall under
Fall in
Fall from

In all of the above instances, regardless of how you complete the phrases, fall signifies a loss of control of some kind. One of the most common nightmares is a feeling of falling. Some of the funniest scenes are when someone slips and falls. We relate. We may say 'ouch' or 'oh no!' and then we laugh.

It's not the painful end result t…

Gas prices

Got this one at work today and it's definitely worth sharing. Enjoy!

I went into the 7-11 gas station the other day and asked for five dollars worth of gas.

The clerk farted and gave me a receipt

Blonde Revenge Joke

Special thanks to Cyndi for this one! I know quite a few intelligent blondes, my sweetie included. :)

Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move.

"You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."

The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," says the guy, smiling. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff -- grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is…

The Sneeze

My Shelly is the contributor of today's joke. This is a good one! :)

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more. Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking ever more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you ok?"

"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."

The man, more tha…

Race for the Cure

My old friend Brian is going to be participating in this year's Race for the Cure to support breast cancer research. I'm so proud of him and his involvement! I'm not sure yet whether I'll just be donating or joining him in the walking but I encourage you guys to all go make a donation to his cause. Even $5 can make a difference and I thank you for your help!

Brian's Race Page

Sloopy Dippindoodle

Since I've already worked 53 hours this week and am averaging 4 hours (or less) of sleep per night, I believe that I'm completely delirious at this point. My friend Andrew sent this to me at work the other night and after I forwarded it around the office we all got a big laugh out of it. Hope you guys think this is as amusing as I do! My new name is the title of this post, and I welcome comments sharing your silly new names. I've easily got another 15-hour day ahead of me, everyone wish me luck that I don't collapse from exhaustion or snap off on someone today! :)

Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need some silliness to break up the day. And, if we are honest, we have a lot more stressful days than not.

Here is your dose of humour...

Follow the instructions to find your new name.

The following is excerpted from a children's book, Captain Underpants And the Perilous Plot Professor Poopypants, by Dave Pilkey, in which the evil Professor forces everyone…

Light blogging alert

It's month-end wrapping up almost two months of 10-hour days at work, I'm expecting to work 12-hour shifts all this week. I seriously doubt I'm going to have the energy or brain function to do much of anything other than possibly posting the occasional joke this week. Hope everyone has a good one and I'll post something this weekend. :)

I'll bet the ghosts are just bored

Here's an interesting story about N'Awlins...nice break from the flood/rescue news. :)


Katrina: The Gathering

My Shelly *rules* for finding this little gem! I kinda want to print the cards and see if it's playable...

When left-wing Blog/Programmer geeks get their groove

A question for Dubyah...

This is my Shelly's new favorite joke and I have to agree that it's a great one!

Q: What is George W. Bush's position on Roe vs. Wade?

A: He really doesn't care how people get out of New Orleans

Things to think about....

Thanks again, Billy!

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

10. Is there another word for synonym?

11. Where do Forest Rangers go to "get away from it all?"

12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

14. Would a fly without wing…

True friends

Billy is getting to be my favorite source of post-worthy's another one I got this week from him:

I am sick and tired of all those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound so goodie-goodie, but never actually come close to reality! Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks to what I think true friendship is all about:

1. When you are sad - I will help get you drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile - I will know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.

6. When you are confused - I will use little words.

7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.


Yay math!

Since I haven't posted anything funny in quite a while, here's a little joke from Billy. :)

A guy goes to a supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde wave at him and say hello.

He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says "Do you know me?".

To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now he thinks back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful and says, "My god, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my ass with wet celery and then stuck a carrot up my butt?".

She said, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."

Bill of No Rights

Here's something that I got in my inbox that I definitely thought was worth sharing. The referenced author in the email was incorrect so I'm going to give it correct credit here:

The following was written in 1993 by Lewis Napper, a self-described amateur philosopher and from Mississippi who ran for a U.S. Senate seat in 2000 as a Libertarian.

"We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, deluded, and other liberal bed-wetters. We hold these truths to be self-evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights."

You do not have th…

Huge sigh of relief from me

While doing my nightly read of, I actually read a few things that made me heave some serious sighs of relief:

"I know New Orleanians, and once the beignets are in the oven, once the gumbo is in the pot, and red beans and rice are being served on Mondays, they'll come back," Mayor Ray Nagin said.

As he spoke, helicopters occasionally clattered overhead and fire engine sirens wailed in the distance - a soundtrack familiar to the roughly 3,000 people still burrowed in the city's unflooded homes and buildings.

"I'm tired of hearing these helicopters," the mayor said. "I want to hear some jazz." (Me tooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And some Zydeco in the Quarter...and some Acadian on Frenchman Street...)

Water continued to drain from the city. (Always good news.)

New Orleans police said they were prepared to issue passes to business owners permitting entry to the Central Business District. (Yes, plese, can we get some industry back into the town?…

Dear America...

My Shelly sent me this today and it choked me up...I had to share.

Dear America,

I suppose we should introduce ourselves: We're South Louisiana.

We have arrived on your doorstep on short notice and we apologize for that, but we never were much for waiting around for invitations. We're not much on formalities like that.

And we might be staying around your town for a while, enrolling in your schools and looking for jobs, so we wanted to tell you a few things about us. We know you didn't ask for this and neither did we, so we're just going to have to make the best of it.

First of all, we thank you. For your money, your water, your food, your prayers, your boats and buses and the men and women of your National Guards, fire departments, hospitals and everyone else who has come to our rescue.

We're a fiercely proud and independent people, and we don't cotton much to outside interference, but we're not ashamed to accept help when we need it. And right now, we need it.


The Cap'n is my hero!

I can't believe he found this...this amuses me greatly!

If Goths Ruled the World

Gas prices

I don't know how they are in everyone else's neighborhood but this pretty much sums up how they look here in Dallas. :)

Some good life tips

I got this at work today and it really hit home so I'm posting it here. I've edited out the stupid chain letter portion of the email. :) Hope this touches you guys like it did me:

A friend of mine opened his wife's underwear drawer and picked up a silk paper-wrapped package:

"This, - he said - isn't any ordinary package."

He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box.

"She got this the first time we went to New York, 8 or 9 years ago. She has never put it on, was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is it. He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothings he was taking to the funeral house, his wife had just died. He turned to me and said:

"Never save something for a special occasion. Every day in your life is a special occasion".

I still think those words changed my life.

Now I read more and clean less.

I sit on the porch without worrying about anything.

I spend more time with my family, and le…