Dear Brian...Part Deux

I originally posted this as a FB note exactly three years ago today and decided it's well past time to move to this venue. For the record, I still feel exactly the same about his decision to leave us. I wasn't done knowing him yet.

Dear Brian:

Your heart was broken? It happens. You felt like you weren’t where you “should” be in life? Yeah, that happens too. You weren’t excited about aging? Welcome to the club. Absolutely none of that excuses or explains robbing those of us who love you from the blessing that was you.

You were so shiny with your epic hair and awesome fashion, always fun to watch bobbing around on the dance floor. You made others happy just by showing up, and I loved when random people on the street would ask to take a picture with you. You had an enormous heart, always there to listen and help someone. You were a self-proclaimed asshole, but I disagreed. I trusted you completely and knew that you’d never betray me. You were my go-to guy for so many things, and I relied on knowing that you were there. You were family to me.

I can’t believe you teased us with the music for so long, gave us little bits to keep us hooked, and then exited before you could share it. My sincerest hope is that someone can figure out your filing system and make a farewell album for you.

I don’t understand you railing against Frankie and Summer and then imitating the behavior. I’m pretty sure you didn’t think that one all the way through because you had a pretty serious soap box about this issue. Logic fail.

I can’t believe you orphaned Sheena, you adored that kid. I still remember you taking that adorable little fluff ball off my hands and you even thanked me again recently for getting her to you. I knew you’d make her an internet celebrity, we even joked about it when you took her home.

I’ll always miss the way your eyes would light up and you’d get to talking so fast on the nerdiest things. I’m seriously bummed that I didn’t get your recipes from you. I wish I’d recorded your laugh so I could hear it whenever I want.

I still have a plain silver zippo for you and I had a book set aside to give you the next time I saw you. You promised me a ride on your bike and I still owe you a blackberry cobbler. I don’t know how to process the fact that we still had outstanding plans; you’ve never flaked on me before.

Today we’re going to spend the day honoring your memory. Everyone’s processing differently but the wave of emotion is being felt all across Dallas and beyond. I anticipate an amazing event and I expect you to attend. You need to see all the people who love you all in one place saying nice things about you. I also hope you have internet access where you are so you can read your page. You’d be bummed by the weather, it’s raining and you wouldn’t be able to rock the hawk. I think you made mother nature cry.

I wish Clarence the angel had showed up and given you a look at how much impact you had on the people around you, the art and music community, and the world in general. I wish someone would call me and tell me this is some kind of sick joke…okay, I’d never forgive you but at least you’d still be around. I wish anything for this not to be happening.

I hope you achieved your goal with this and are someplace happy and fulfilled now. The rest of us are pretty miserable about your choices. I love you and fare thee well, Brian Alguire.

PS: Thanks for sending the kitten, she’s a constant source of joy to me. I named her Phoenix Hawk in your honor.