RIP Charlie "Butch" Sours, I miss your cranky ass. :'-(

Dear Charlie-Dad,

I can't believe I'm writing this letter, I just knew you were going to be an immortal creature. You were always so brave and steadfast and I thought you'd live forever on belligerence alone. I'm so not ready to say good-bye.

You seemed tired when you were here at Thanksgiving, but then we started making plans for you to move back to Texas next year and I had false hope that you were going to be around a while longer. What a horrible tease.

So much of who I am is because of you, and I'm grateful to still have your voice in my head saying all the grumpy things that you loved to say so often. My fierce loyalty, sticking by my guns on tough topics, and most importantly my ability to love unconditionally all came from you. You were an amazing role model for me, like none I've had before or since, and I sincerely hope I've done you proud on how I'm turning out.

I wish I'd recorded your stories, I hate that so many were lost with you. I wish I'd gotten the pic with you that I wanted to get at Thanksgiving. I wish you were still here so I could listen to your voice. I wish, I wish, I many things.

My one consolation in all of this (and it's a big one) is that you and Mom are back together now. I know you missed her like crazy and I'm positive she was standing there with her hands on her hips, scolding you for making her wait so long. The image of you two together watching us all from the other side makes me happy to think about.

I cannot begin to express how much I've lost with your death. I always knew you had my back no matter what and I never doubted for one moment that you loved me with all your heart. That cannot be replaced, it's not possible, and it makes me want to crawl into a deep depression hole and not come back out for a very long time. However, I know how much that course of action would piss you all the way off, so I recognize that failure is not an option and I keep putting on my big girl pants and keeping on keeping on.

I love you, Daddy, forever and with all my heart.


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