Texan Jokes :)
Here's one from the Sperm Donor that I thought was worth sharing. Hope y'all enjoy!
The owner of a golf course in Lufkin was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from The University of Texas and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14% How much would you take off?" The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings." You gotta love those East Texas women!
A group of Tyler friends went deer hunting and paired off in two's for the day.
That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?" the others asked. "Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied. "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired. "A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"
A senior at Texas A&M was overheard saying.. "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in East Texas." When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in East Texas because everything happens in East Texas 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.
The young man from Texas A&M came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?" The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."
NEWS FLASH! -Bryan/College Station's worst disaster occurred when a small two-seater Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two Texas A&M students, crashed into a cemetery earlier today. Search and Rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening. The pilot and copilot survived and are helping in the recovery efforts.
A Texas State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-20. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?"
A man in Tyler had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I have a flat tire." The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back! I never did understand it either."
The owner of a golf course in Lufkin was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from The University of Texas and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14% How much would you take off?" The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings." You gotta love those East Texas women!
A group of Tyler friends went deer hunting and paired off in two's for the day.
That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?" the others asked. "Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied. "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired. "A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"
A senior at Texas A&M was overheard saying.. "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in East Texas." When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in East Texas because everything happens in East Texas 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.
The young man from Texas A&M came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?" The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."
NEWS FLASH! -Bryan/College Station's worst disaster occurred when a small two-seater Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two Texas A&M students, crashed into a cemetery earlier today. Search and Rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening. The pilot and copilot survived and are helping in the recovery efforts.
A Texas State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-20. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?"
A man in Tyler had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I have a flat tire." The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back! I never did understand it either."
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