A Day in the Life

Since I've already worked 53 hours this week and am averaging 4 hours (or less) of sleep per night, I believe that I'm completely delirious at this point. My friend Andrew sent this to me at work the other night and after I forwarded it around the office we all got a big laugh out of it. Hope you guys think this is as amusing as I do! My new name is the title of this post, and I welcome comments sharing your silly new names. I've easily got another 15-hour day ahead of me, everyone wish me luck that I don't collapse from exhaustion or snap off on someone today! :) Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need some silliness to break up the day. And, if we are honest, we have a lot more stressful days than not. Here is your dose of humour... Follow the instructions to find your new name. The following is excerpted from a children's book, Captain Underpants And the Perilous Plot Professor Poopypants, by Dave Pilkey, in which the evil Professor forces every...

It's month-end wrapping up almost two months of 10-hour days at work, I'm expecting to work 12-hour shifts all this week. I seriously doubt I'm going to have the energy or brain function to do much of anything other than possibly posting the occasional joke this week. Hope everyone has a good one and I'll post something this weekend. :)

Here's an interesting story about N'Awlins...nice break from the flood/rescue news. :) Boo!

My Shelly *rules* for finding this little gem! I kinda want to print the cards and see if it's playable... When left-wing Blog/Programmer geeks get their groove

This is my Shelly's new favorite joke and I have to agree that it's a great one! Q: What is George W. Bush's position on Roe vs. Wade? A: He really doesn't care how people get out of New Orleans

Thanks again, Billy! 1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor..... 3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? 5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. 6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. 7. What if there were no hypothetical questions? 8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? 9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? 10. Is there another word for synonym? 11. Where do Forest Rangers go to "get away from it all?" 12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? 13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? 14. Would a fly...

Billy is getting to be my favorite source of post-worthy jokes...here's another one I got this week from him: I am sick and tired of all those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound so goodie-goodie, but never actually come close to reality! Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks to what I think true friendship is all about: 1. When you are sad - I will help get you drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad. 2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you. 3. When you smile - I will know you finally got laid. 4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get. 5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining. 6. When you are confused - I will use little words. 7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have. 8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ...

Since I haven't posted anything funny in quite a while, here's a little joke from Billy. :) A guy goes to a supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde wave at him and say hello. He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says "Do you know me?". To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids." Now he thinks back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful and says, "My god, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my ass with wet celery and then stuck a carrot up my butt?". She said, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."

Here's something that I got in my inbox that I definitely thought was worth sharing. The referenced author in the email was incorrect so I'm going to give it correct credit here: The following was written in 1993 by Lewis Napper, a self-described amateur philosopher and from Mississippi who ran for a U.S. Senate seat in 2000 as a Libertarian. "We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, deluded, and other liberal bed-wetters. We hold these truths to be self-evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights." ARTICLE I: You do not have...

While doing my nightly read of nola.com, I actually read a few things that made me heave some serious sighs of relief: "I know New Orleanians, and once the beignets are in the oven, once the gumbo is in the pot, and red beans and rice are being served on Mondays, they'll come back," Mayor Ray Nagin said. As he spoke, helicopters occasionally clattered overhead and fire engine sirens wailed in the distance - a soundtrack familiar to the roughly 3,000 people still burrowed in the city's unflooded homes and buildings. "I'm tired of hearing these helicopters," the mayor said. "I want to hear some jazz." (Me tooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And some Zydeco in the Quarter...and some Acadian on Frenchman Street...) Water continued to drain from the city. (Always good news.) New Orleans police said they were prepared to issue passes to business owners permitting entry to the Central Business District. (Yes, plese, can we get some industry back into the t...

My Shelly sent me this today and it choked me up...I had to share. Dear America, I suppose we should introduce ourselves: We're South Louisiana. We have arrived on your doorstep on short notice and we apologize for that, but we never were much for waiting around for invitations. We're not much on formalities like that. And we might be staying around your town for a while, enrolling in your schools and looking for jobs, so we wanted to tell you a few things about us. We know you didn't ask for this and neither did we, so we're just going to have to make the best of it. First of all, we thank you. For your money, your water, your food, your prayers, your boats and buses and the men and women of your National Guards, fire departments, hospitals and everyone else who has come to our rescue. We're a fiercely proud and independent people, and we don't cotton much to outside interference, but we're not ashamed to accept help when we need it...

I can't believe he found this...this amuses me greatly! If Goths Ruled the World

I don't know how they are in everyone else's neighborhood but this pretty much sums up how they look here in Dallas. :)

I got this at work today and it really hit home so I'm posting it here. I've edited out the stupid chain letter portion of the email. :) Hope this touches you guys like it did me: A friend of mine opened his wife's underwear drawer and picked up a silk paper-wrapped package: "This, - he said - isn't any ordinary package." He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box. "She got this the first time we went to New York, 8 or 9 years ago. She has never put it on, was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is it. He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothings he was taking to the funeral house, his wife had just died. He turned to me and said: "Never save something for a special occasion. Every day in your life is a special occasion". I still think those words changed my life. Now I read more and clean less. I sit on the porch without worrying about anything. I spend more time with my family...

Man, I'm really tired! I have been tapping into that caretaking part of myself that lies dormant most of the time quite a bit in the last 6 days. B's on the road to recovery after a harrowing dental nightmare. Check out his blog for the details of the experience. I've been getting calls from the Salvation Army and will be heading back downtown to help again this weekend and probably for the next few weeks to come. Anyone wanting to volunteer can contact the Salvation Army here in Dallas at 214-637-8299. Not sure what the contact number is for you 817 types but I'm sure they could tell you if you called the Dallas number. I encourage everyone to help out, they need as many volunteers as they can round up to help out with all the new residents of the DFW area. Hope everyone is having a great week!

Got this one from my Shelly today and I had to share. Hope y'all enjoy! The husband had just finished reading the book, 'MAN OF THE HOUSE'. He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law!" I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?" His wife replied, "The funeral director would be my guess."

Neither of us made it downtown yesterday because B's tooth pain flared up even worse than it had been Friday night. We put in an after-hours call to our dentist who called in a better prescription and we'll be seeing him first thing this morning. We managed to get our household stuff taken care of while we were home yesterday which is good because we're both needing to go to work. I hope to be back at work this afternoon after I get him all situated here today. :) Gonna have to wait to volunteer again until I can either get off at a decent hour some night this week or it'll be this weekend. Hope everyone had a happy holiday!

B finally got a respite from his tooth pain yesterday so he packed up some meds and went with me downtown to volunteer. We got down there mid-afternoon and the scene was chaotic. We started at Reunion Arena where the Salvation Army had finally cut off donations because there was such a volume of stuff. After quickly realizing there were plenty of volunteers there, we headed over to the convention center. As soon as we walked up to the volunteer entrance B was immediately ushered inside and I was made to wait in line. We had our cell phones on us so we knew we could keep track of each other and it was all good. As it turned out, they were getting ready to organize the showers and they needed men to help out with the male showers. They had portable showers set up outside the arena for the men and the volunteer guys were helping everyone get in and out of there and assisting however they were needed. Once they let the girls in, I helped fold towels and get everything set up for the wome...

I am on the mailing list of a terrific restaurant that B and I ate at on our honeymoon called Marisol. Both the chef and the restaurant are still unharmed and in the city and the owner is sending out information from her temporary home West Virginia. I received this email in my inbox yesterday: Marisol September 03, 2005 Greetings! Marisol wants to feed relief workers and neighbors who are still without resources. Chef Pete and I have called and e-mailed FEMA and every person we can find, who might have access to their inner workings. Please read on for the distressing details...... Marisol & other agencies prevented from assisting! The following story was culled from the Pittsburgh Post Gazette. Homeland Security Won't Let Red Cross Deliver Food... Saturday, September 03, 2005...By Ann Rodgers, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette As the National Guard delivered food to the New Orleans convention center yesterday, American Red Cross officials said that federal emergency management authorit...

Yesterday I donated items and time to the Hurricane Katrina victims from N'Awlins and I must say that it was the most rewarding experience of my life. I had planned to go help at Reunion Arena yesterday morning with a girl from work but fate decided to change those plans. B and I spent Friday night in the ER because one of his teeth abcessed and I didn't finally get to bed until almost 3:30 yesterday morning. I got myself up yesterday morning but had to cancel on my friend because I needed to be home taking care of my sweetie. I purged the pantry and the bathroom cabinets while I was home yesterday and managed to come up with two boxes and two bags of stuff. Not bad for a small apartment, eh? My sister, niece, and nephew had a trip to Dallas planned so I was going to meet up with them while they were in town. I finally got B comfy enough yesterday afternoon that I was able to meet up with them. We went to the dollar store and loaded up on a bunch of toys for the displaced kid...

I still grieve every day as I read the news and look at the pictures of my dying city. I am relieved to hear that Poppy Z and Fats Domino got out okay, but am still worried that many people are dying every day and the government has done very little to help. I mean if we can send troops to the Middle East and aid to the tsunami victims then why the fuck are we not helping the city of New Orleans??? It's the home of jazz and has one of the richest histories of any other city in the nation but it's still filled with rancid, contaminated water after four fucking days. Wtf is wrong with our country that we haven't already pumped the damn water out of this city and that there aren't troops shooting the stupid junkies who are looting and trashing the place? I just can't rant enough about the whole thing to anyone who will listen. The news makes me weep and I'm actually grateful that we don't have our tv antenna hooked up right now so I'm stuck with internet ne...

Here's an email I received on Wednesday that outlines the best ways to help in the relief effort: I've seen the posts from those of you who want to help in the recovery in the affected areas and want to offer some advice from a survivor and volunteer worker for the immediate past three storms to hit my area. If you want to donate money, my suggestions are these; 1st. Salvation Army. You get the biggest "bang" for your buck with them. They are generally first on the ground with food. Their portable kitchens feed people without regard to circumstance, race, creed or any other qualifier without question. Theirs is the lowest "overhead" of any charity on the scene. Less than 10%. 2. Hold your donations of anything but cash until some of the mess is cleaned up. People with no home, no food and no water, no sanitary facilities, have no place to put clothes, furniture, toys, etc. 3. If you can take some time off work and want to help, contact any one of the hundred...