A Day in the Life

Miss Melantie Jean, I can't believe you've left us already. I wasn't done knowing you, and this is totally not okay with me in any way. So much of my history, so many stories, have gone to the grave with you and I'm having a really hard time getting my head around it. I was just a kid when we met, and I'm so glad you decided to hook up with Andy so you could be my mom-person. Not just a stepmom, no, my buddy, my confidant and a role model for so many things. The first newborn kittens I ever saw were in your closet, you showed me my first episode of Saturday Night Live, the first gravestone rubbing I ever did was with you, you're the reason I did theater, my love of fashion came from you, I could go on and on about all the ways you made me who I am today. Most importantly, you taught me how to take someone else's perspective, educated me about how horrible the world can be, and showed me a kind of unconditional love that I've never experienced before o...

I had a life changing experience yesterday of the pretty awful kind. We pit stopped at a rural gas station in Louisiana and there was a seriously injured possum near where I parked, and a cop who had pulled up to the pump next to mine. I backed away from the possum and pointed at it so the cop saw what was up. He aimed his gun at it while I got in the car to move to another pump. At the time, I wondered if discharging a weapon near a gas pump might be dangerous and I hoped he wouldn't need to use it. I also didn't look that way just in case he did end up shooting it. The possum never moved, he was jacked up like maybe got hit by a car and was terrified...you could see it in his eyes. I know from experience they can be immobile for hours when they're scared, so I wasn't too stressed but was watchful. Meanwhile, my traveling companion went inside the store and the clerk called animal control. The cop went inside the store and we all shopped and whatever before heading...

I'm having a breakdown and I'm strangely comfortable with it. I've been the sad version of myself since last summer and the rest of my emotions are somewhere in the distance. I can see them but can't quite get there, not really, not fully. I've been struggling with major depression and have had many days where upright on the couch (vs. fetal position in the bed) was the best I could do. I've barely been working, I haven't wanted to leave the house much, and I've become more and more introverted as the months pass. It's safe to say I'm a very hot mess right now. Over the last month things have been changing inside me at a scary fast rate, and here's how it happened... Several months ago, a dear friend sent me over this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw which is an animated short about Empathy vs Sympathy. It resonated with me in a way that caused me to go back and keep watching it. Fast forward to the snow/ice week...