A Day in the Life

I think this is going to be my last Christmassy post, but it was too funny not to share! Hope everyone had a very merry Christmas! :) Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse. A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and around the chimey in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a St. Nicholas a/k/a Santa Claus hereinafter ("Claus") would arrive at sometime thereafter. The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House, were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionary treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams. Wereupon the party of the first part (somet...

Here's the email I sent out to all my clients and business associates and I now share it with all of you. I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season! :) At this time of year, here are a few thoughts for you to consider: Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love! ~Hamilton Wright Mabie “Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect.” ~Oren Arnold Perhaps the best Yuletide decoration is being wreathed in smiles. ~Author Unknown Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much. ~Helen Keller I hope whatever holiday you are celebrating this month that it's filled with light and love and family and friends. I'll close with a quote from my very favorite holiday special this time of year... And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how cou...

I got tagged by The Cap'n on a Christmas meme so here goes nothing! :) 1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Gift bags have saved my life since I'm Santa's "special" elf when it comes to wrapping. :) 2. Real tree or artificial? If I'm going to have a tree, I prefer the real kind because of the scent. I also love to go do the Xmas tree farm thing where you tromp around and cut your own! 3. When do you put up the tree? The last few years it's been a last-minute-oh-shit-we-need-to-put-up-a-tree thing so it's been the week before the holiday. In other years it would have been the weekend of Thanksgiving. 4. When do you take the tree down? The weekend after New Year's. 5. Do you like eggnog? Bleah, no way! 6. Favorite gift you received as a child? Fur coat...yes I was a spoiled child so feel free to point and laugh at me. Does anyone else hear "Material Girl" playing in the background? ;-) 7. Do you have a nativity scene? Nope, not my beliefs. 8. H...

Here's one from My Shelly from a couple of days ago. Yule thoughts are always a good and happy thing. :) Some thoughts for Yule: December 21, 2006 A Season Of Slumber Winter In times past, the bare-limbed trees, long nights, and biting chill of winter signified to all that the time had come to slow down. Humanity emulated the animals, retreating into cozy dwellings where they sustained themselves on foods harvested late in autumn and passed the time in peaceful reflection. Today, most people proceed ruddy-cheeked through winter’s frosts, ignoring the profound effects cold weather has on their bodies and their minds. Yet the beauty and significance of wintertime cannot be so easily overlooked. As the temperature plummets, leaving the air crisp and the landscape bare, we tend to crave warmth and relish rich foods. The presence of loved ones seems more comforting when blustery winds rattle window panes and we feel compelled to conserve our energy by engaging in only the most soothing ...

Here's one that's been circulating around my industry this month that I thought was worth sharing. Teehee, real estate geek humor! ;-) THE CHRISTMAS CLOSING 'Twas an hour before closing and the agents were tense, to close Christmas Eve just didn't make sense. But the seller was booked on the 6 o'clock flight and had warned "THERE WILL BE A CLOSING TONIGHT!" The agents agreed because business was dead, and visions of commission checks danced in their heads. The loan was approved by the lender's good grace, Everyone knew 'twas a borderline case. The buyers divorced, remarried again, Divorced once more, and now were just friends. The loan package complete to the closer was carried, With instructions to close before they remarried. The title policy arrived via UPS, From page One through Sixteen, a terrible MESS! An improper legal, 3 judgments, a lien, But a few lines on page seven, looked pretty clean. The title was cleared and the closing was set, But...

Here's one that B found for me...I've never wanted to go to Cleveland before now. ;-) A Christmas Story House

Here's another one from my Mom-Person that begged to be shared. :) Holiday Eating Tips 1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls. 2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas! 3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat. 4. As for mashed potatoes, always as...

I've actually gotten this one twice: Once from my Mom-Person and once from Billy. It had to be posted! :) CHRISTMAS CAROLS FOR THE DISTURBED 1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear? 2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are 3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas 4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me 5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and..... 6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me 7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire 8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why 9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away? 10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle ...

I'm still cleaning out my inbox but am switching to a more appropriate theme for the upcoming holiday. Here's one my Mom-Person sent to me that I liked a lot. 12 rules for 'regifting' without fear If you're going to do it (and it's more common than you think), please update the wrapping -- and remove the old gift card. By MP Dunleavey There are only three reasons you might be reading this column: 1. You think "regifting" is totally tacky, but you secretly hope there might be a polite way to get rid of that hideous scarf your Aunt Edna gave you. 2. You're a chronic regifter and you need some new ideas to get you through the holidays. 3. You've never heard of regifting. Really. You're just curious. Welcome, one and all, to a frank discussion of a grand old holiday tradition we all practice and pretend we don't. (That includes you fibbers who picked No. 3!) Even Peggy Post, etiquette advice columnist for Good Housekeeping, admits she's...

I overslept and only have time to post one this morning, but it's a classic. I got this one from Billy and it's a silly pet trick...check it out! :) Pug Bowling

Here's a little warning sent to me by the Sperm Donor and verified at Snopes... Here's a new twist scammers are using to commit identity theft: the jury duty scam. Here's how it works: The scammer calls claiming to work for the local court and claims you've failed to report for jury duty. He tells you that a warrant has been issued for your arrest. The victim will often rightly claim they never received the jury duty notification. The scammer then asks the victim for confidential information for "verification" purposes. Specifically, the scammer asks for the victim's Social Security number, birth date, and sometimes even for credit card numbers and other private information -- exactly what the scammer needs to commit identity theft. So far, this jury duty scam has been reported in Michigan, Ohio, Texas, Arizona, Illinois, Pennsylvania, Minnesota, Oregon and Washington state. It's easy to see why this works. The victim is clearly caught off guard, and i...

I got this good luck chain email from my Hippie Momma but I liked the list it had and thought it was worth sharing... ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully. TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other. THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want. FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it. FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye. SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married. SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight. EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much. NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely. TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling. ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives. TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly. THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question...

Got this one from the Sperm Donor and had to share. LOL! Ain't it the truth?? I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish. I no longer eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer use cancer -causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. Thanks to y...

Here's one from Joy-ful that I thought was totally amusing. Can you identify these young famous folks? Scroll down to the bottom for the answers... 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 1. 1970 - Kris Kristofferson 2. 1967 - Mick Jagger 3. 1969 - Willie Nelson 4. 1967 - Clint Eastwood 5. 1970 - Bill and Hillary Clinton 6. 1972 - Bob Dylan 7. 1958 - Jack Nicholson 8. 1972 - Michael Jackson 9. 1940s - Barbara Bush 10. 1975 - Martin Sheen 11. 1969 - Robert DeNiro 12. 1970s - John Belushi 13. 1970 - Candice Bergen 14. 1981 - Dennis Quaid 15. 1973 - Christopher Walken 16. 1972 - Colin Powell 17. 1968 - Tommy Lee Jones 18. 1968 - Al Pacino 19. 1943 - J.F.K.

I got this from my Mom-Person's sweetie who is a monster geek for the Discworld series of books. I tell ya, someone must be a pretty big fan to have taken the time to make this cake. It's brilliant...and geeky...definitely worth checking out. :) Discworld Cake

Here's one that Crazy Eddie sent to me...methinks this movie will be a must see as soon as it's out! :) http://www.thepetmovietrailer.com/ Warning: This preview contains nudity and elements of S&M. :)

Here's one that Billy sent along and I had to share. I'm kinda scared of these people and a little afraid about the future of our society around this... These are REAL notes written by PARENTS in a Alabama school district. (Spellings have been left intact.) Most of them are funny, but some are just sad. 1-- MY SON IS UNDER A DOCTOR'S CARE AND SHOULD NOT TAKE PE TODAY. PLEASE EXECUTE HIM. 2-- PLEASE EXKUCE LISA FOR BEING ABSENT SHE WAS SICK AND I HAD HER SHOT. 3-- DEAR SCHOOL: PLEASE ECSC's JOHN BEING ABSENT ON JAN. 28, 29,30, 31, 32 AND ALSO 33. 4-- PLEASE EXCUSE GLORIA FROM JIM TODAY. SHE IS ADMINISTRATING. 5-- PLEASE EXCUSE ROLAND FROM P.E. FOR A FEW DAYS. YESTERDAY HE FELL OUT OF A TREE AND MISPLACED HIS HIP. 6-- JOHN HAS BEEN ABSENT BECAUSE HE HAD TWO TEETH TAKEN OUT OF HIS FACE. 7-- CARLOS WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE WAS PLAYING FOOTBALL. HE WAS HURT IN THE GROWING PART. 8-- MEGAN COULD NO T COME TO SCHOOL TODAY BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN BOTHERED BY VERY CLOSE VEINS...

Still cleaning out the inbox today, yes it got completely out of control! :) Here's one that went out over the Dallas Goth List and I had to share...I actually laughed out loud while reading this. Hope y'all enjoy it! Cats with Attitudes

Here's a little funny from Billy that begged to be shared. Honestly, I'm not convinced that B wouldn't be in trouble if he ran across it... ;-)

I got this one from the Sperm Donor and had to share. Can anyone actually tell the people in this picture apart??

I'm still cleaning out my inbox and found this gem from Brian from a while back. What would you do if this happened to you?? I'm thinking I'd be morally obligated to at least try the coffee... ;-) Would you like some milk with that? (This is a large file and may take a minute to load, but well worth the time.)

While this falls under the category of religions-I-don't-participate-in, I still think it's a good thought. Thanks to my Mom-Person for sending this along. :) Best Prayer I Have Heard In A Long Time... Heavenly Father, Help us remember that the jerk who cut us off in traffic last night is a single mother who worked nine hours that day and is rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do the laundry and spend a few precious moments with her children. Help us to remember that the pierced, tattooed, disinterested young man who can't make change correctly is a worried 19-year-old college student, balancing his apprehension over final exams with his fear of not getting his student loans for next semester. Remind us, Lord, that the scary looking bum, begging for money in the same spot every day (who really ought to get a job!) is a slave to addictions that we can only imagine in our worst nightmares. Help us to remember that the old couple walking annoyingly slow through th...

Here's one from My Sissy that's oh, so true! LOL! A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As all men will.) Before she could offer her apologies for so rudely staring, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00...... on one condition." Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningful...

I finally scheduled myself a few minutes to clean out my inbox and found this link from Billy. Since I absolutely adore the first Dark Crystal, it's a very safe bet that I'll have to check the second one out. :) http://www.mtv.com/movies/news/articles/1542247/10032006/story.jhtml

Hello, everyone! I apologize for the intermittent (and then non-existent) blogging. As you can probably tell from My "Apologies and Promises" post, there has been some drama and crisis in my world. Thankfully things are much much better since I started taking my meds and I expect that they will continue to get better and better from here. Thanks for all your patience and love during this trying time. :) So let me tell you about my trip to Florida to go see Mickey Mouse! I worked like a Trojan to get my work wrapped up so I could leave for a few days. We also celebrated a good friend's 40th on Saturday night before I left...partied late and got to ride in a limo, woohoo! Happy birthday Zaber!! My flight left at 10:40 last Sunday so we had me to the airport by 9:00 just to be sure I would have plenty of time to get through security. As it turned out, security wasn't nearly as scary or time-consuming as we anticipated and I ended up having about an hour to kill in the fr...

Good morning, everyone! I've just spent the last few days hanging out with Mickey Mouse in Orlando which is why I haven't been blogging. I'll get to the recap post as soon as I can make some time but it might not be until this weekend. Love you all! :)